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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Kutten

I was in the ninth grade when I first thought about making myself a battle jacket, the popular German equivalent being "kutte". I was in a weird speed/hair metal phase and subsequently immersed myself in the 80's culture. I even cut my hair into a sort of mullet (I can't believe I'm admitting that) and sewed my bellbottoms into skinny jeans. It was absolutely ridiculous. Anyway, along with all of this I desperately wanted a battle jacket, for the obvious reason that they are a magical way to display the bands that you love most without having to spend an inane amount of money on t-shirts; not that I really have a problem with doing so in the first place, but I digress.

I never ended up making myself one, because I initially thought that it wouldn't "suit me", and I really didn't want to be taunted more than I was, so I eventually moved on to other music tastes and lost the urge to put one together. Well, until now at least.

Recently I stumbled across a pretty amazing website: tshirtslayer.com, which basically reignited my ol' "making a kutte flame". I shouldn't really say kutte, per se, as I'm planning on making several, so "kutten". I'm lucky enough to have an almost pathetic propensity towards most metal subgenres, and genres and subgenres between that; so it seems only logical to make more than one. Black, death, doom/sludge and thrash metal ones are definitely in order. Power/viking/folk and speed metal kutten are up for debate however.

Anyway, I guess the real point of this post is that I'm planning on keeping everyone updated with my kutten constructing process(es).

I'm heading off to my local thrift stores tomorrow, so wish me luck!

Monday, July 11, 2011

Unweighting

 


The subject of this post actually ended up texting James right before I had planned on posting this. She admitted to lying, however I feel as though all of her bullshit will be covered up with more bullshit. So, I've decided to post this anyway.





Lying, we all do it. Whether it's an excuse as to why we're late to work, or about how we're feeling that day, we do it. It's part of human nature, and I get that. What I don't understand, however, is why people feel the need to prey on other's reputations with lies.




Let me elaborate.







In April, an acquaintance of mine pointed me in the direction of a blog post made by my boyfriend James' ex-girlfriend/baby mama, 'Alexx'. The post is basically an extended version of her testimony that she shared with her junior youth. I'm not exactly sure why she even calls this a testimony, when the whole thing is almost literally oozing bullshit. A testimony is, or is supposed to be, a public declaration of truth or facts; not lies or trickery. Anyway, I'll post here the part that defames James:









"Something I've always struggled with is feeling like I'm not good enough, for one reason or the other.

...That way of thinking became a problem when I was in grade 10. The boy I had been dating since grade 9, (We'll call him Dan), started to change. He felt threatened by my best friend, (We'll call him Tom), who had just moved back from across the country. Dan started to make fun of my friends a lot, and even made fun of me. He would look at me like I was dumb for saying certain things, laugh at me when I tripped or messed up, and even convinced me I was only pretty if I dressed a certain way. It got to the point where I believed everything he said. I thought I wasn't a good enough person for my old friends. I thought I was only "cool" if I dressed a certain way and listened to a certain type of music.


(Here she shares her experience at Winker Bible Camp, it was really uplifting, apparently).


...Unfortunately, when I went back home and got into my routine at school after summer, Dan had changed my mind back...


...Dan had me so convinced that I was never going to be good enough for anyone else that I went against everything I believed him, and let him convince me to have sex with him.


Afterward, I was too scared to tell anyone about it for awhile, but finally, I told my best friend Tom, and we had a long talk about it. He helped to convince me that I was too good for that relationship, and that anyone who made me do something I didn't want to wasn't someone I should be anywhere near.


Unfortunately, I was already pregnant.


...But I had the support of Tom through it all. We eventually started dating."
Click1 Click2 Click3 Click4 Click5





I was going to quote more, but the overwhelming urge to vomit hindered my motivation to do so. Ahem... To the point.




Below you will find information found and gathered from different websites that Alexx had opened accounts on. I'm sure there's more information to be found, but the purpose of researching had been fulfilled within an hour or so of said task. The information is presented as it was found, and in order to somewhat protect her privacy, I won't post the links to her profiles on said accounts here. Instead, I've quoted what she's stated on her accounts, and have posted a link beside to a screenprint that was taken of such quotes.





Lie #1 - James convinced Alexx she was only pretty if she dressed a certain way/listened to a certain type of music




In her testimony she admits:


"I would change my style of clothing depending on what I heard people saying was cool."


On her Formspring page someone asked:



"Do you have any suggestions on how to tell a guy, that you like them?"


She answered:


"Hang out with them! Become friends. Make sure you know who they are before you get involved. Pray about it a lot, and then... kinda slowly get into a deeper relationship. Hang out more, or treat them differently than your other guy friends. It's hard. I've dealt with this a lot! But... I did it, and now I'm dating him :)"
Click


On her Xanga account (made in 2007) she lists:


"Metal (music), black, being different (actually, conforming to any style is well, conforming), wearing all black, Nightwish, Children of Bodom, DragonForce, Amon Amarth, Arch Enemy, Epica, Fishnets, Combat boots, and Emily the Strange"


in her 'likes' section. In her 'dislikes' section she lists:



"The fact that black nailpolish, skulls, and dark makeup are trendy now," and "When people get the genre of music wrong."
Click



In her 'music' section she lists:



"3 Inches of Blood, Amon Amarth, Arch Enemy, As I Lay Dying, Avantasia, the Black Dahlia Murder, Black Label Society, Children of Bodom, Dark Moor, Demons and Wizards, DragonForce, Ensiferum, Epica, Evanescence, Iced Earth, In Flames, Iron Maiden, Kataklysm, Lamb of God, Luca Turilli, Megadeth, Metallica, Nightwish, Norther, Opeth, Pantera, Rob Zombie, Sentenced, Sonata Arctica, and Stratovarius"


as her favourite bands.
Click



Also on her Xanga account, she labels herself a 'metalhead', lists her favorite music genre as metal, and shares that she likes shopping at Hot Topic, and Rockabilia. Apparently she couldn't live without black eyeliner, and I guess she had some fishnets she really liked too, both of which are kinda metal I suppose.
Click1 Click2




On an old Vampirefreaks account, she created a cult named 'True-Metalheads', designed in order to keep unwanted music genres away. Click





Could it be that she convinced HERSELF she was only pretty if she dressed to fit into the metal subculture? I know James was very immersed in and influenced by metal music at that point in his life, and perhaps she changed her style so she could catch his attention, and ultimately date him. I don't see how that's James' fault.





Lie #2 - Alexx lost friends because of James





In her testimony she states:


"I thought I wasn't a good enough person for my old friends."


In her testimony she admits:


"I struggled with feeling like I didn't deserve my friends because I wasn't funny or cute or good at sports."


And even before that she states:


"I feel like I'm not good enough to be their friend."
Click


On Lookbook she answered a thread entitled:



"People gving mean comments about your clothing style IRL/lookbook?"


with:


"...I used to wear a lot of black, and in a small town, that automatically means that you make human sacrifices and eat babies for fun.


Nobody ever said anything to my face, but I did lose friends because either they were scared of me, or their parents wouldn't allow them near me."
Click


It seems as though she had friend issues to begin with. As well as this, she openly admits that she lost friends because of the way she dressed. It seems quite obvious to me, that she dressed the way she did to 'fit' into the metal subculture, so she could date James. Once again, blaming James for her own issues doesn't make any sense to me.





Lie #3 - Alexx implies that James had no reason to feel threatened by "Tom"




In her testimony she states:In her Flickr photostream she posted a picture that depicted her sadness over her recent breakup with "Tom".


"...The boy I had been dating since grade 9, (We'll call him Dan), started to change. He became threatened by my best friend, (We'll call him Tom), who had just moved back from across the country. Dan started to make fun of my friends a lot, and even made fun of me. He would look at me like I was dumb for saying certain things, laugh at me when I tripped or messed up..."


In the picture's caption she admits:



"I was so deeply in love with a boy from Grade 8 onward."
Click


This boy was obviously Tom, and as she stated earlier, she only started dating James in Grade 9.



On Facebook is a picture of James and Alexx, shortly before they broke up, in November 2008. On her Tumblr she posted a screenprint of a picture on Facebook of her and Tom in early December 2008. The picture of Alexx and Tom is tackily edited to include the phrase: "Through the good times and the bad, I'll always love you."
Click1 Click2




It seems clear to me that James had good reason to feel threatened, as Alexx and Tom started dating pretty much as soon as Alexx had broken up with James. And as for the bitching about being made fun of? That's James' way of striking out when he feels vulnerable. Obviously at the time he didn't want to lose her, and so he made fun of her friends in order to possibly steer her away from what he felt he was losing her to. Obviously that was an immature way of handling things, but what can you really expect from a kid in Grade 10?




Lie #4 - Sex between James and Alexx began in Grade 11


In her testimony she says:

That way of thinking became a problem for me when I was in grade 10."

(Her experience at Winkler Bible Camp)

"...Unfortunately, when I went back home and got into my routine at school after summer, Dan had changed my mind back...

...Dan had me so convinced that I was never going to be good enough for anyone else that I went against everything I believed him, and let him convince me to have sex with him."


Her Xanga was made in October 2007, which was the year James and Alexx were in Grade 10. Her first, and only post was made on the day she joined Xanga. She also belonged to only a single blogring, which I can only assume she joined on the day she joined the Xanga network.


Read below for more information.



Lie #5 - James convinced Alexx to have sex with him/the ensuing pregnancy was unwanted



In her testimony she states:


"...Dan had me so convinced that I was never going to be good enough for anyone else that I went against everything I believed him, and let him convince me to have sex with him."


"...Unfortunately, I was already pregnant."


As mentioned before, Alexx belonged to a blogring on Xanga called 'Bundle of Love <3'. If you're not familiar with Xanga, a blogring is basically a group of people who blog about, fantasize, or otherwise share and gather information on certain subjects. This particular blogring welcomes teenagers who are trying to conceive a baby of their own.
Click1 Click2



When James and I first started hanging out, he told me about Alexx and his past with her. I knew straight off that he had a child, and that they had given it up for adoption. Awhile after we had started dating, I began hearing some very... disturbing rumours about James. A girl I know finally confronted me about it, saying that Alexx had told her that she had been raped by "the father of her child", over Facebook no less. May I just say that lying about something like rape is beyond pathetic? It's absolutely pitiful, and shameless. I actually have a copy of the conversation between Alexx and the girl, however it is merely a copy and paste version, so I won't post it here. Anyway, after this confrontation, James and I discussed this further. He told me that Alexx had actually been the one to initiate sex between them, telling him that she had figured out her ovulation cycle so they didn't have to use a condom. Before this however, James knew and respected that Alexx wanted to wait until marriage for sex.




On her Xanga she lists little kids, and babies in her likes section.
Click




On her Flickr account she posted a picture of her pregnant self, with the caption:



"I absolutely loved being pregnant. Best time of my life."
Click (Kind of contradicting what she says in her testimony, no?)



On Facebook, in a group dedicated to encouraging teens to wait until marriage for sex, she left a comment that said:

"soo...



i totally have the ring that's in the picture!

yay me."
Click


The ring Alexx was referring to in her comment, is a ring that some teenagers, who have pledged abstinence wear in order to display said pledge. If it's not obvious enough already, Alexx is a very deviant person. She's not willing to admit to her mistakes, so she covers them up with lies so she doesn't have to. God only knows why she wanted a baby at the age of fifteen, but she knew it was wrong, and so when she got what she wanted she turned on James, and tried to make it appear as though she was innocent. If Alexx actually is telling the truth, I don't understand why she would make a Xanga account, join a blogring dedicated to teens who are actively trying to concieve, and then leave a comment on the wall of a Facebook group dedicated to teens who have pledged abstinance; all around when sex between Alexx and James began. Besides that, her story constantly changes. She's told people that she's been raped, that he tricked her, and that he convinced her into having sex with him, whereas James' story has never changed.




It's these things that drove me to write this. I actually wasn't even going to post this, I didn't want to lower myself to her level of internet fuckery, but I couldn't get it off of my mind. It sickens me to think of her lying so freely to her friends, family, to part of her church, and to random people over the internet. It sickens me even more to think of these people giving her attention, and sympathy for the things that she's lying to them about. All in all, the blog post marked the end of my usually passive behavior, and so I took action. I hope this post at least raises some questions, if it doesn't completely prove her dishonesty.



And Alexx, if you're reading this, I have nothing to say to you except for these things; you are an evil, petty, narcisisstic little girl. If you are the mature Christian you claim to be, tell the truth. Apologize. It feels good, and hey, you might sleep a little better.




NOTE: This is not the original version of this post. The original version was emotionally fuelled, and quite rude. This was not written out of hate for this girl, more or less just anger. I really can't understand how she had gotten away with this for so long, when it is so blatantly obvious that she's lying. If anyone who does know this girl reads this, please refrain from hatemail, or other such activities. This was only written as a call out, not as some difinitive declaration of her personality.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Devin Fucking Townsend

Five days ago (the fourth) I celebrated what was possibly the best birthday I could have ever hoped for. I saw my hero, Devin Townsend, live in fucking concert. It was at the Garrick Centre in Winnipeg, and I was in the centre of the second fucking row. And while my mind was being fucked in ways I never thought humanly possible, he didn't even pause to wipe the sweat from his brow. How awesome is that?

I actually remember when I was first introduced to Devin. It was sometime in early 2007, and I was wandering on over to my assigned seat in a computer lab in my school, for a class I was taking. I happened to glance down at one of my classmate's monitors, and there I saw him; singing with the most grotesque look on his face, fingers curled around his guitar, and his skullet swinging around him in all of it's glory.

My mind was blown. I had to know who the fuck this was, right the fuck now. So I approached this classmate of mine with what I imagine was a look of utter awe, and inquired as to who "the guy with the skullet was." He told me, and within minutes I had discovered Strapping Young Lad. I youtubed them and my eyes were instantly drawn to a song called "Wrong Side (of the Head)" (ironic, no?). I played it, and like stink to shit, I was stuck and permanently so.


At that time in my life I felt very alienated. I'm naturally kind of weird, so I was picked on a lot by my peers. I had maybe two friends, and I had attempted suicide twice in the past year. I had plans for another attempt, and what I was hoping would be a final success. It felt like things were constantly getting worse, and I was definitely riding the edge of sanity. When the gargantuous beast that is Wrongside first made it's way through my little, white earphones, something in me changed. Here was music, that someone else had written, that mirrored what was raging around in my head. It was an instant connection.

For the next two years or so, I lived and breathed Townsend. I couldn't get enough of him. His songwriting was unlike anything I had ever experienced before, and to this day I can only describe it as perfectly manic. I only became more obsessed after I learned that he, too, battles bipolar disorder and insomnia.

My life obviously isn't perfect now that I'm one of the many Devin fans. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and am will always deal with the daily struggles that come with anxiety, insomnia, and PTSD. I know I'll have to deal with that for the rest of my life, but through his, and many other's music I can at least find solace in that fact that I'm not alone in my battle.